(some words)

something crazy.

2009-04-20T00:03:00.001-04:00

i'm in love with an incredible guy and he gave me a ring.

i'm going to be a wife.

2008-10-19T08:35:00.002-04:00

it's one of those leaps of faith into His arms.

i want to see all human possibilities exhausted.

and i want to trust promises made in centuries past.

and the promises whispered quietly--resonating.

"The harder the promise seems to fulfill, the more our faith honors God." - Piper

today.

2008-10-06T22:11:00.002-04:00

how quickly my heart sees You and turns elsewhere for joy and hope. like to myself, my obedience, my faithfulness. and in these no joy and hope can be found. just self-loathing despair. Father, i desire to understand the balance of humility and awareness of sin and living in the freedom of being Your daughter--righteous in Your sight because of the cross. Your love for my is infinite. help me grasp (just a little) what that means. i barely even understand "saved from eternal death". let me know it. and may it be on my mind in proportion to its value, as compared to my sin, in Your eyes. oh! Your love is much greater. greater than me. steadfast immovable. eternal. violent. overwhelming. i won't even compare it to me. let my eyes no longer look at myself--but at You. You, the radiant, precious, merciful King, worthy of not ten looks, but one thousand, for my every one look at my sin.

2008-09-26T09:18:00.004-04:00

(background: 1 Chron. 13:7-11)

"Uzzah assumed that his hand was less polluted than the earth. But it wasn't the ground or the mud that would desecrate the ark; it was the touch of man. The earth is an obedient creature. It does what God tells it to do. It brings forth its yield in its season. It obeys the laws of nature that God has established. When the temperature falls to a certain point, the ground freezes. When water is added to the dust, it becomes mud, just as God designed it. The ground doesn't commit cosmic treason. There is nothing polluted about the ground.

"God did not want His holy throne touched by that which was contaminated by evil, that which was in rebellion to Him, that which by its ungodly revolt had brought the whole creation to ruin and caused the ground and the sky and the waters of the sea to groan together in travail, waiting for the day of redemption. Man. It was man's touch that was forbidden."

R. C. Sproul, The Holiness of God, pg 108

um... WOW.

2008-09-25T20:54:00.000-04:00

Hither to thy love has blessed me
Thou has brought me to this place
And I know thy hand will bring me
Safely home by thy good grace
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Bought me with His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

2008-09-02T23:01:00.012-04:00

another eleven o’clock run. no moon. just a million tiny lights over the resting world.

my eye sight is so poor at night, yet it moves me (again.)

O LORD my God, you are very great; you are clothed with splendor and majesty. He wraps himself in light as with a garment; he stretches out the heavens like a tent and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters. He makes the clouds his chariot and rides on the wings of the wind. (ps 104)

 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

(isaiah 40:26)

i read about a telescope, NASA's Spitzer, that recorded a gas cavity, W5, 6500 light-years away in Cassiopeia, filled with generations of massive stars.

the human eye can't naturally see the W5. if it could, would dominate the sky--appearing four times as wide as a full moon.

All things created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, have been singing His praise since the beginning of time. it's just amazing to think that He would form the W5 and other invisible wonders and slowly bestow on humanity the knowledge to detect His beauty and creativity.

i know what is lost when something beautiful is taken from 3D to 2D.
how much more must have been lost going from 3D to 2D and invisible to visible.

i know so little. i've seen so little.

what is man that you are mindful of him?

look along

2008-08-25T08:11:00.002-04:00

I was standing today in the dark toolshed. The sun was shining outside and through the crack at the top of the door there came a sunbeam. From where i stood that beam of light, with the specks of dust floating in it, was the most striking thing in the place. Everything else was almost pitch-black. I was seeing the beam, not seeing things by it. Then i moved so that the beam fell on my eyes. Instantly the whole previous picture vanished. I saw no toolshed, and (above all) no beam. Instead i saw, framed in the irregular cranny at the top of the door, green leaves moving on the branches of a tree outside and beyond that, 90 odd million miles away, the sun. Looking along the beam, and looking at the beam are very different experiences.

c.s. lewis

2008-08-18T00:21:00.003-04:00

spread wide in the arms of christ is the love that covers sin!

no greater love have i ever known, you considered me a friend

and captured my heart again.

yesterday i witnessed God's supernatural healing power;

oh, the beauty of life in the shadow of the cross!

and He gives me blessing

upon blessing
upon blessing
upon blessing
i don't deserve this kindness.

2008-08-12T12:10:00.007-04:00

And behold!
the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from the top to the bottom.

blue, purple and scarlet yarn and finely twisted linen; a cherubim worked into the cloth by a skilled craftsman,
symbolic of the last barrier between the human worshipper and the majestic and holy God.

once a year,
one priest,
(appointed and sanctified by God)
could enter the most holy place.
and often he would not live through the experience.

and yet, God's love for mankind was so great that He sent His very own son, to absorb the complete wrath of His father toward sinners.

with the words, "it is finished!"

He says, "enter my presence!"

the curtain tore--from above, where man could not reach.
God did the tearing. the very symbol of unapproachability that He established was abolished.

now we boldly approach the Father's throne of grace, claiming the death of Christ as the atoning sacrifice for our sinful hearts.

previously, "by [the curtain] the Holy Spirit indicates that the way into the holy places is not yet opened as long as the first section is still standing" (hebrews 9:8)

but NOW "you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." (1 peter 2:9)

Hallelujah! all i have is Christ!

2008-07-29T00:55:00.001-04:00

"My times are in Your hand."

He works goodness for those who take refuge in Him in the sight of all the children of mankind.

"be strong, and let your heart take courage."
and wait.

what blew me away this week.

2008-06-18T09:45:00.002-04:00

josh kruger sr. read part of this quote sunday morning. i can't even begin to understand this--because i don't know what wrath is. and i never will. amazing! but the little that i do understand plus this quote by jerry bridges overwhelmed me with gratitude and adoration for the Savior.

“I believe a word that forcefully captures the essence of Jesus’ work of propitiation is the word exhausted. Jesus exhausted the wrath of God. It was not merely deflected and prevented from reaching us; it was exhausted. Jesus bore the full, unmitigated brunt of it. God’s wrath against sin was unleashed in all its fury on His beloved Son. He held nothing back.” (page 54 of the gospel for real life)

God preserved His uncompromising holiness -- by absorbing and EXHAUSTING the wrath Himself, that was aimed at us -- and expressed His fathomless love and mercy.

2008-06-09T09:53:00.001-04:00

a flick of His finger and a volcano erupts miles into the air.

it's my goal to not let a day go by without learning something new or re-discovering the awe-inspiring character of our King.

2008-05-22T14:37:00.001-04:00

bringing it all back down to earth,

with a thud and a sigh.

trying not to think past now.

I was in the cemetery, with Him & a good friend, trying to understand better. (will i ever be able to see the obvious?) thousands of wasted lives all around me. let me not join them! what does it mean to live is Christ, to die is gain?

and what does it mean to go?

what does it mean to stay?

and to listen

and feel

and trust?

Oh. God, i am a fool.
(i am your child)
make me wise
(You know how).

this will all make sense in a few years.

it always does.

but for now, my soul waits,
more than a watchman for the morning.

and, for now, my soul trusts,
like a weaned child with its mother.

RETURN!

what pollen taught me about sanctification

2008-05-21T16:54:00.001-04:00

I park under the trees. Not a fun place to park this time of year. A layer of sap, a layer of pollen, the morning dew, and repeat. Some birds contributed a few decorative elements to the yellow-green blanket.

My favorite time to drive is at sunset. In my opinion, the sunset is one of the most obvious displays of God’s glory and common grace.

I drove at sunset quite a bit this week. I noticed only one sunset.

I’m sure they were there. I’m sure they were beautiful. The pollen and sap and bird crap impaired my ability to see the eight-o’clock-glory-of-God. I was too busy being disgusted at the yellow-green film that covered my windows and was spurting through my air vents.

That is gross. I need to clean it off.
I’ll wait till it rains.
Or till the pollen stops dropping.
Or at least till after school is over.

So I missed sunset
after sunset.

Sin builds up like pollen.
(in my life)
I hate it. It disgusts me. but I’m so busy. And so the film of sin grows until I can no longer see the beauty and love of the Savior.

I’ll deal with that attitude later tonight. Or after finals.
I’m just reacting to the pressure I feel right now. It’s only a phase.

The fight of sin is a fight to see His glory, to experience the joy of experiencing His beauty. Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” (Matt 5:8)

Maybe my heart is extra wicked, but when I am overwhelmed by my sin, “Honor God” provides weak incentive to change. I want some benefit.

and there is a benefit! There is a promise, a motivation to strive for holiness:

The sight of His beauty. (Matt 5:8)

The treasure of His friendship. (Ps 27:4)

Fullness of joy in His presence. (Ps 16:11)

Although total righteousness is achieved only through faith in Christ and the fullness of salvation from sin has not yet arrived (the “already but not yet”..?), let us, with the apostle Paul (in Phil 3), clean our windshields of the pollen and press on towards the prize: the sight of His glorious face. (Rev 22:4)

2008-05-21T16:35:00.000-04:00

When the moon blinds my eyes with its radiance in comparison to the deepness of the blue-black sky, and I attempt to fathom the vastness of the Milky Way and the galaxies beyond…

O for a thousand tongues to sing/My great Redeemer’s praise!
The glories of my God and King! The triumphs of His grace!

But how can I call for a thousand tongues when this one wretched soul cannot even bid every ounce of her being into focus on the praise of His name?

I identify with David when he cried, “Praise the Lord, O my soul!”
Soul! Praise His Holy Name!

Considering the beauty of the sky and stars that sing magnificent harmonies to the Creator, how can this sinful woman praise you?

…You, the King of the Universe.

I know the story. I remind myself daily. The Glorious God, lacking in nothing, chose to create a race of ultimately inglorious men and women.
We are told it was for His glory that we are created (Isaiah 43:1-7, 48:9-11)

With one of our first exercises of will we rebel. We aspired to become God.

Made from the dust of the earth (gen 2:7), with a lifespan like that of a blade of grass (ps 103:15-16), carrying the status of a maggot or worm (job 25:6) when compared to the majesty of God.

A worm! A worm attempted to become God!

Yet we are worse than maggots, more filthy than worms! Have worms rebelled against their Creator? Have they ever strived for autonomy? Have they disdained God by behaving as if He were inconsequential in their lives?

No.

So how can such a rebellious, despicable race as we bring glory to the Creator of the stars?

Listen: He will transform us. He will cleanse us from our sin. He will deliver us from our uncleanness. He will give us a new heart and a new spirit. He will put His laws within our hearts and cause us to obey His rules. And we will be His people and He will be our God. (Ez 36:21-32)

We are the benefactors of His glorification of Himself. Let us be ashamed of our iniquities. Let us not seek to be more than we are! Let boasting cease. Let us be nothing but a reflection of glory of our King.

And let us look to the Savior with Isaac Watts:

Alas and did my Savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I
Was it for sins that I had done
He groaned upon the tree
Amazing pity, grace unknown
And love beyond degree

My God why would
You shed Your blood
So pure and undefiled
To make a sinful one like me
Your chosen precious child

Well might the sun in darkness hide
And shut His glories in
When Christ the mighty Maker died
For man the creature’s sin
Thus might I hide my blushing face
While His dear Cross appears
Dissolve my heart in thankfulness
And melt my eyes to tears